Relationships can be beautiful additions to our lives. They can help us grow as people, discover new facets of our personality, and find a deep sense of love and acceptance. However, relationships, when not handled properly, can also lead to losing yourself.
To find yourself again after losing yourself in a relationship; You must first remember that your true self is always present. It may be tucked away, out of sight, and out of mind. So to begin uncovering it again, self-reflection, self-acceptance, and self-love are key. Start by simply spending time with yourself, as if you’re rekindling a friendship with someone you knew long ago.
Whether you are in a relationship where you feel that you are losing yourself; or you’ve recently left a relationship- and can’t seem to remember who you were before or who you want to be now, there are ways to find yourself again.
What Does It Mean to Lose Yourself in a Relationship?
Relationships are so built up by society that when you finally arrive at that vital step in your life, you may feel like you have to throw your whole self into it to make it work. What you don’t realize is that throwing everything you have into a relationship leaves you with nothing.
Doing this can manifest in several ways:
- You stop participating in your favorite hobbies
- You’ll begin to change parts of your personality in an attempt to be more attractive to your partner
- You stop going out with your friends if they’re not mutual friends
- You’re not working towards your goals as they have been replaced by goals your partner has set.
Even if you are no longer in a relationship, these things will likely persist unless they are addressed directly. The good news is that a combination of self-reflection, self-love, and time should help you find yourself again after losing yourself in a relationship.
How Can I Regain My Sense of Self?
If you’ve lost yourself in a relationship, it probably means you have stopped engaging in self-reflection. However, this can be hard to retrain. So the first step is to spend time with yourself.
This is especially important as studies show that solitude helps us regulate our emotions—an essential skill to use during any time of life, but especially when you feel that you’re losing yourself.
Now, you’re probably thinking, but I’m with myself all the time. However, that doesn’t mean you are actively paying attention to yourself and enjoying the solitude.
When was the last time you went out to lunch by yourself? For most people, this is a rarity simply because they feel uncomfortable sitting alone in a restaurant. They don’t want to feel lonely, much less look lonely.
If going to a restaurant alone is too big of a first step, try going for a walk by yourself. Pay attention to nature, your surroundings, and your thoughts. Are your thoughts positive or negative? What do you like to focus on? Only when you are separate from others, can you genuinely tap into who you are as an individual. Making it easier to find yourself again after losing yourself in a relationship.
How Do I Stop Losing Myself in a Relationship?
First, resist entering a relationship before you’ve regained your sense of self. This is an important step that most people ignore, usually because they’re afraid to be alone with their thoughts and feelings. They jump from relationship to relationship and never give themselves time to build a positive relationship with themselves.
Once you do feel ready to enter a relationship, do so slowly.
Something I’ve always found helpful is writing down a list of my goals, hobbies, and favorite personality traits when I’m about to step into a relationship.
When I feel that my time and energy are becoming too entangled with my relationship, I go to that list to make sure I’m not ignoring my personal development.
Of course, you and your partner will develop mutual goals, and that’s great, but don’t sacrifice your personal goals to get there.
The most important thing is to make time for yourself. Plan time each week when you’ll engage in your favorite hobby, get together with a friend, or get out of the house by yourself.
Remember, you have to love yourself the way you want someone else to love you, so start to make it a priority.
Things to Do to Help You Find Yourself
As mentioned above, self-reflection is vital when you’re trying to find yourself. There are tons of ways to engage in self-reflection, and different things work for different people. Here are some things you can try:
Write down your thoughts, feelings, goals, and things you’re struggling with. You can even try writing a letter to yourself to offer advice.
Meditation creates a space that allows you to analyze your thoughts and actions. This can be difficult at first if you’re not used to being with yourself, but with regular practice, you’ll find it becomes easier and easier.
Create New Goals
If you’ve recently left a relationship, your personality and goals have likely shifted in some significant way. Take time to analyze what your priorities are now, and write out new goals to reflect them.
Take a Solo Trip
Nothing challenges your sense of self like solo travel. Learning to rely on yourself through the ups and downs of a trip will force you into self-reflection and build your confidence along the way.
Losing Yourself and Finding Yourself Again Quotes
Find below three different quotes that relate to being able to find yourself and losing yourself in a relationship:
“Don’t spend all of your time trying to FIND yourself. Spend your time CREATING yourself into a person that you’ll be proud of.” -Sonya Parker
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” -Henry David Thoreau
“Whatever it takes to find the real you, don’t be daunted if the rest of the world looks on in shock.” -Stephen Richards
How Do I Get My Life Back on Track After Losing Everything?
While you may feel that you’ve lost everything, the truth is that you still have at least one significant thing: you. While you may not know who you are or what you want right now, have confidence that you will. Starting the process of rediscovering yourself will put you on the right path.
Start small by devoting a few minutes each day to doing something you enjoy. It might not feel good to do this if you’re reeling from a break-up, but it’s an important step to get back on your unique path.
When you feel ready, spend time with people who you know will be supportive and loving. It’s better if these people have known you for a while and who will recognize how you’ve changed. They can kindly point you in the right direction.
The most important thing is to connect with a resolute sense of self-acceptance. Even if you’re in a bad place now, understand that it’s only a stepping stone and that better times are waiting once you move forward.
How Do You Reconnect With Your True Self?
Your true self never left you. It is merely dormant, waiting for you to come back to it.
It’s imperative to realize that you won’t be able to find it in another person or another relationship; looking outward won’t get you there.
You’ll have to do the work of looking inside and possibly grappling with personal challenges you’ve been trying to avoid.
However, you don’t have to do any of it alone. Get in touch with your support system—a best friend, a relative, or a mentor—and let them know what you’re going through.
Once you manifest a desire to work on yourself, they will undoubtedly want to help you do that work.
From here on out, the best thing you can do for your true self is to open your arms to it and love it for the beautiful, unique entity that it is. Once you do that, you’re already halfway there into being able to find yourself again after losing yourself in a relationship.
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