Unfortunately, there are some fathers out there that want nothing to do with their children. But as a parent- we need to quickly learn what to do and how to cope with such a situation, so we can free ourselves from any guilt or anguish sooner.
If the father wants nothing to do with their child, understand that it is not your responsibility to maintain a relationship, or carry any burden that comes with it. By accepting the present, you can begin to let him go (-cutting off contact and focusing on yourself and your child) – because you know that with or without him, the only person who’s lost is him.
It’s never easy accepting a situation like this, however, there are things you can do to cope with the emotions easier. You’re not condoning his actions, nor does it matter why he’s chosen such a path because all that matters is YOU and your child – maintaining a relationship and guiding them to never follow in their fathers’ footsteps.
What to Do when the Father Wants Nothing to Do With Child
Begin to Accept
I know (through personal experience) how hard it can be trying to accept the fact that your child’s father doesn’t want to be in their lives.
It can feel like a dishonor to your child, as if you aren’t doing “enough to maintain a relationship for them,” or as if you’re condoning such selfish behavior. However, accepting his actions removes this mentality entirely.
By beginning to accept that your child’s father wants nothing to do with them, you can FREE yourself from the unwritten burden you may have been putting onto yourself.
And to be clear, NO, you are not condoning his actions by any means! Instead, you recognize that through acceptance you can let-go of all pain you carry for your child through your child’s father’s negligence.
Don’t Force Him to be Present
Never, no matter how hard it hurts you- force a father to be present in your child’s life. It is not your responsibility to create a relationship between your child and their father. And attempting to force one could create worse trauma for your child.
Imagine forcing your child’s deadbeat father to be present in their life, only to find out that your child can feel and sense the unwantedness coming from them every time they hang-out.
Every person on this earth, including your child’s’ selfish father, has free will. And you can not force someone to love someone else– no matter how badly you want it.
Focus on Your Role as a Parent (Not as a Mediator)
Instead of thinking so much about what isn’t in your child’s life, start focusing on yourself and your role as a parent! Start embracing the fact that you have the luxury to be with your child and have an opportunity to grow them into a loving human being – fatherless or what not!
It isn’t your duty to build a relationship between your children and their father. But what is your duty is focusing, maintaining, and growing YOUR relationship between you and your children.
Let go of the mental block you’re putting yourself through- thinking you should be doing more for them by having their father in their lives. Focus on yourself (as a mother or as a parent) and you’ll begin to realize that doing so is all you can do!
Who Cares! It’s His Loss – Not Yours or Your Childs
Guess what? It doesn’t matter whether your child’s father remains in your children’s life- because it’s his loss!
As a society, we tend to mourn the loss for our children when a parent isn’t present. However, I believe we should instead celebrate the fact that the other parent (in this instance YOU) is there to guide your child.
You’ve made a conscious decision to stay with your child; never leave them and cherish them throughout life. And although we might not understand why a father neglects his child- we do recognize that it is never a loss, but a blessing in disguise.
Your child will appreciate you for being there- and although the question may linger when they reach adulthood, they’ll always appreciate the fact that you never left them.
Coping With a Father Who Wants Nothing to Do With Child
It is an unfortunate situation when a father wants nothing to do with their child. However, that should not stop you from appreciating and embracing happiness with your child. We’ve compiled a list of ways you can start coping with the situation:
1. Stop All Contact
Why are you trying to text or call a man, talking about “do you want to see your child this weekend” when you KNOW he has no interest in being a father?
Stop contacting your child’s father. Don’t text him, block him from social media, and definitely don’t call him. If your child’s father wants to be in their life, let him contact you! Not the other way around.
And if you need help- go to someone who cares about you and your kids. Not to a man who wants nothing to do with his own children… DUH!
2. Remind Yourself That His Actions is His Karma
When it’s late at night and you start thinking about deep and personal issues- remind yourself that your children’s’ deadbeat father’s actions are his karma to carry, not yours.
You don’t need to feel guilty about him not being there for your children- because YOU’RE THERE and you are all they need in this present moment.
Don’t let his selfish behavior anguish you with self-doubt or guilt.
3. Don’t Bad Mouth Him to Your Children
No matter how angry you feel towards him, or how rude he is towards you- never bad mouth their father in front of your children.
One day your child will ask questions, their curiosity will increase, and they might seek answers from their father. Up until then, remain unbiased. Let them know the truth- and the truth is that their father had no interest in playing his role.
But don’t manipulate or brainwash your children with unnecessary words- as your children will always know and remember that you were there with an openness to this difficult situation you’ve had to endure.
4. Focus on Yourself
Keep your mental, physical, and emotional health in check by focusing on yourself from time to time. Although dealing with a father who wants nothing to do with their child can be exhausting, you must prioritize time to establish a self-care routine and implement it when necessary.
Here is a list of things you can do to take your mind off things:
- Go out for coffee
- Paint your nails
- Have a relaxing bath
- Buy take out (instead of cooking)
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